i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
