I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
