Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?