I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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