The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"