Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?