seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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