Texts From Last Night

x0kaylallamas0x's Favorites Texts:

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  (727): View more from Florida

  This is John, I met you downtown last night.

  (407): View more from Florida

  Oh, ok.

  (727): View more from Florida

  This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night

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  (727): This is John, I met you downtown last night. (407): Oh, ok. (727): This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night http://tfl.nu/3jh8
  Replies (10) Good night (2463) Bad night (448)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.

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  (541): They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully. http://tfl.nu/5ynt
  Replies (4) Good night (995) Bad night (401) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.

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  (205): Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight. http://tfl.nu/1hhy
  Replies (11) Good night (2548) Bad night (457)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.

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  (724): No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology. http://tfl.nu/e8xh
  Replies (8) Good night (3673) Bad night (514)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial

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  (201): yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial http://tfl.nu/29ux
  Replies (15) Good night (1533) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"

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  (310): I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me" http://tfl.nu/p6et
  Replies (8) Good night (1498) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...

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  (910): The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video... http://tfl.nu/iq5u
  Replies (5) Good night (2124) Bad night (420)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"

  (1-905): View more from Ontario

  He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.

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  (905): You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot" (1-905): He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka. http://tfl.nu/0kc2
  Replies (3) Good night (1028) Bad night (775)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.

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  (773): Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that. http://tfl.nu/tp3a
  Replies (8) Good night (1289) Bad night (376) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.

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  (416): Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights. http://tfl.nu/9jzc
  Replies (6) Good night (1044) Bad night (350)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.

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  (609): I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot. http://tfl.nu/64ct
  Replies (14) Good night (2288) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th

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  (201): I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th http://tfl.nu/okx6
  Replies (4) Good night (1583) Bad night (319)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?

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  (361): Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life? http://tfl.nu/01wo
  Replies (7) Good night (1047) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.

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  (516): You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off. http://tfl.nu/6qfp
  Replies (7) Good night (1514) Bad night (452)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.

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  (423): The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups. http://tfl.nu/v1g8
  Replies (1) Good night (2339) Bad night (357) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.

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  (412): Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab. http://tfl.nu/yqci
  Replies (5) Good night (1167) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"

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  (847): I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment" http://tfl.nu/bamr
  Replies (11) Good night (1132) Bad night (608)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand

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  (304): I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand http://tfl.nu/6s03
  Replies (10) Good night (695) Bad night (964) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.

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  (765): He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever. http://tfl.nu/9j5e
  Replies (5) Good night (1079) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
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  (760): View more from California

  Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).

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  (760): Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know). http://tfl.nu/1aw3
  Replies (8) Good night (1096) Bad night (413)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive

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  (704): His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be. (336): You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver. (704): Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive http://tfl.nu/8bf5
  Replies (7) Good night (1217) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.

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  (407): Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake. http://tfl.nu/hj3n
  Replies (10) Good night (1000) Bad night (491) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.

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  (423): I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt. http://tfl.nu/6dgk
  Replies (4) Good night (894) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?

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  (636): Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear? http://tfl.nu/p7e6
  Replies (1) Good night (1074) Bad night (274) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.

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  (215): No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there. http://tfl.nu/8rlf
  Replies (8) Good night (787) Bad night (2696) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.

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  (214): I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002. http://tfl.nu/v8jb
  Replies (12) Good night (1010) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.

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  (816): Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines. http://tfl.nu/u22h
  Replies (1) Good night (1236) Bad night (412) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.

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  (610): We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body. http://tfl.nu/0qa6
  Replies (4) Good night (951) Bad night (353) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Big girls don't cry they get day drunk

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  (479): Big girls don't cry they get day drunk http://tfl.nu/o4rn
  Replies (5) Good night (1899) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
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  (718): View more from New York

  Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.

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  (718): Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made. http://tfl.nu/tzd1
  Replies (15) Good night (2355) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
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  (435): View more from Utah

  I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read

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  (435): I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read http://tfl.nu/7a19
  Replies (14) Good night (2506) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt