I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.