3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
