im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Houston, we have a squirter
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That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
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i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We left an ass print on the piano.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.