Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
