Texts From Last Night

monroe251's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock... http://tfl.nu/tura
  Replies (15) Good night (5505) Bad night (1210)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself. http://tfl.nu/i4wo
  Replies (14) Good night (1639) Bad night (5610)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave. http://tfl.nu/d944
  Replies (23) Good night (5374) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account http://tfl.nu/ufbc
  Replies (20) Good night (5235) Bad night (1139)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa. http://tfl.nu/e1sr
  Replies (26) Good night (6608) Bad night (1329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room. http://tfl.nu/g35c
  Replies (14) Good night (4331) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling." http://tfl.nu/73er
  Replies (20) Good night (8531) Bad night (1230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO. http://tfl.nu/9byh
  Replies (28) Good night (4139) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  This beer is not sobering me up at all

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): This beer is not sobering me up at all http://tfl.nu/2fz8
  Replies (13) Good night (7562) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace. http://tfl.nu/irh2
  Replies (39) Good night (16110) Bad night (1235)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass http://tfl.nu/wmly
  Replies (412) Good night (26013) Bad night (3421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't. http://tfl.nu/ol3k
  Replies (11) Good night (7174) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year http://tfl.nu/bdbv
  Replies (9) Good night (5945) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (22295) Bad night (1511)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf http://tfl.nu/hwzk
  Replies (44) Good night (14691) Bad night (1248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder. http://tfl.nu/z8u4
  Replies (50) Good night (6494) Bad night (2331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.

  (1-253): View more from Washington

  What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack. (1-253): What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited http://tfl.nu/n0ma
  Replies (13) Good night (5278) Bad night (897)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game. http://tfl.nu/jamc
  Replies (18) Good night (4857) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy http://tfl.nu/cj1r
  Replies (10) Good night (3335) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  It's chlamydia! Thank God!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): It's chlamydia! Thank God! http://tfl.nu/1hqj
  Replies (25) Good night (1443) Bad night (8228) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box. http://tfl.nu/99g0
  Replies (14) Good night (4070) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit. http://tfl.nu/udb7
  Replies (13) Good night (3630) Bad night (2311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources. http://tfl.nu/m7l9
  Replies (28) Good night (3639) Bad night (1254) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy" http://tfl.nu/ekfn
  Replies (9) Good night (1331) Bad night (3773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road? http://tfl.nu/ir52
  Replies (23) Good night (9867) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun. http://tfl.nu/0mma
  Replies (10) Good night (3701) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/6dfu
  Replies (25) Good night (7136) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers. http://tfl.nu/otyu
  Replies (10) Good night (6871) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH. http://tfl.nu/5zhv
  Replies (22) Good night (7081) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months http://tfl.nu/y63w
  Replies (20) Good night (4253) Bad night (1156) Order T-Shirt