This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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