This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.