Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Follow @tfln