When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize