I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
