well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
tonight lets celebrate not being married
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Life is so much better after having sex.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.