The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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