You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all