TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
