In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.