Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
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what if I'm pregnant?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
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Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.