why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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