We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911