so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
