Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
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You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
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She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.