I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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