I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
