i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I wear drunk well.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
