how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something