I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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