I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
