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And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
this will be a night to untag.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
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