He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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