I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there