Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
