Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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