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and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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