well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.