$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
