I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
