not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...