I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
