I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.