It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America