if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
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What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
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Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.