Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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