Texts From Last Night

PurplePotatoe's Favorites Texts:

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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.

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  (252): I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son. http://tfl.nu/kdpy
  Replies (27) Good night (8041) Bad night (1344)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.

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  (780): i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself. http://tfl.nu/5eaf
  Replies (33) Good night (618) Bad night (5906) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  nevermind its newpaper

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  (651): theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it (651): nevermind its newpaper http://tfl.nu/18ms
  Replies (29) Good night (5281) Bad night (758)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother

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  (806): Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother http://tfl.nu/jjym
  Replies (7) Good night (2678) Bad night (1348) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo

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  (847): My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo http://tfl.nu/wnvu
  Replies (31) Good night (1152) Bad night (6522) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything

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  (619): You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything http://tfl.nu/13bs
  Replies (49) Good night (712) Bad night (6237) Order T-Shirt
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  (806): View more from Texas

  and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...

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  (806): and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"... http://tfl.nu/oz9l
  Replies (77) Good night (1742) Bad night (6573) Order T-Shirt
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?

  (1-260): View more from Indiana

  what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing

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  (260): dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian? (1-260): what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing http://tfl.nu/axih
  Replies (51) Good night (17882) Bad night (1084)
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  (805): View more from California

  she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.

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  (805) she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat. http://tfl.nu/up7k
  Replies (12) Good night (1172) Bad night (1429) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.

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  (610): Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name. http://tfl.nu/1ows
  Replies (57) Good night (1009) Bad night (14978) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.

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  (734): I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire. http://tfl.nu/kkrz
  Replies (17) Good night (1646) Bad night (2763) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Shut up. I did not.

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I really wish I was making that up.

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  (918): You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras. (1-918): Shut up. I did not. (918): I really wish I was making that up. http://tfl.nu/wbcz
  Replies (35) Good night (6526) Bad night (606)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??

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  (931): How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"?? http://tfl.nu/pyr1
  Replies (11) Good night (2847) Bad night (1028) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.

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  (503): I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt. http://tfl.nu/4dkg
  Replies (33) Good night (3439) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  the red head has a bf

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

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  (843): the red head has a bf (1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score http://tfl.nu/bdta
  Replies (118) Good night (44947) Bad night (3379) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.

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  (214): You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle. http://tfl.nu/y634
  Replies (14) Good night (4158) Bad night (1059) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..

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  (613): You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon.. http://tfl.nu/gnh9
  Replies (16) Good night (606) Bad night (5047) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  doooooooo herrrrrrrrr

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm out of practice. be my yoda

  (314): View more from Missouri

  put your penis in her you must.

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  (314): doooooooo herrrrrrrrr (504): I'm out of practice. be my yoda (314): put your penis in her you must. http://tfl.nu/ti1e
  Replies (58) Good night (17889) Bad night (865)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.

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  (651): he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong. http://tfl.nu/ln52
  Replies (29) Good night (9140) Bad night (1307) Order T-Shirt
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt

  (702): View more from Nevada

  maybe shoes and water too

  (702): View more from Nevada

  oh and maybe a noose to hang myself

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  (702): can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt (702): maybe shoes and water too (702): oh and maybe a noose to hang myself http://tfl.nu/qxrs
  Replies (8) Good night (764) Bad night (2616)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood

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  (563): My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood http://tfl.nu/k7f1
  Replies (1) Good night (1033) Bad night (1560) Order T-Shirt
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  (858): View more from California

  I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth

  (1-858): View more from California

  Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?

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  (858): I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth (1-858): Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again? http://tfl.nu/8rfw
  Replies (10) Good night (607) Bad night (5097) Order T-Shirt
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.

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  (973): don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping. http://tfl.nu/d4lu
  Replies (15) Good night (777) Bad night (2077) Order T-Shirt
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  (646): View more from New York

  My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.

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  (646): My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS. http://tfl.nu/3g6q
  Replies (14) Good night (717) Bad night (6140) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  i miss you so much

  (858): View more from California

  i miss you too

  (858): View more from California

  oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me

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  (619): i miss you so much (858): i miss you too (858): oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me http://tfl.nu/932e
  Replies (16) Good night (2492) Bad night (704)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up

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  (416): Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up http://tfl.nu/zoaj
  Replies (26) Good night (955) Bad night (2789) Order T-Shirt
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good

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  (978): Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good http://tfl.nu/k903
  Replies (111) Good night (29269) Bad night (1058) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

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  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (51674) Bad night (2730) Order T-Shirt