i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
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Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
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I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.