this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
