then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
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I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
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I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.