I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
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you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
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