I just threw up on my dentist
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My bed smells like the plague
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
