he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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