Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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