Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
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Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car