She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
